بِسْمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحْمٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
So much struggling that I want to give up now. But I have a mission. A purpose to be fulfilled before my final abode. And till than I am searching.
Ya Allah I sometimes wonder where my life is leading to..why I am made to live, why I don’t die.
Going through so many tough situation..so much bad times I stop by and wonder where Allah is?
But then I am reminded of you being “nearer to me than my jugluar vein”, ” you hearing to whoever calls on you” which means you are constantly hearing me.
But still after constantly calling you, after constantly striving and putting every possible effort.. whats making these problems grow bigger and bigger. The only reason can be you love me more and more and that’s why you constantly testing me, so that when i return to you I am pure, with all sins wiped out in Duniya itself. (InshaAllah)
These problems are like a seed that grows to become a tree and its going on and on..and than I am reminded the fact that these trees also have an end one day..so will my problems.
As a moon I may fade away but as a sun I will rise again.
In these on going situation I am reminded of people who are suffering from deadly diseases like cancer and I wonder why people like me who have no motivation to live, who are slowly giving up on life and not putting any efforts, are living normally, than the people who actually want to live and are struggling to survive for their spouse, children, family and than I am reminded that “Allah burden a soul only that much that it can bear”
Which means all this is something that I can face and handle, that I can bear and I am alive that means for sure Allah has a purpose for me and I just have to find that purpose, fulfill my task on earth and than go back to my Creator.
Mission Accomplished.
But till than I have to live and live.
Ya Allah, call me back when you are pleased with me, and you have forgiven all my sins.
PS: I miss you Allah. I really want to come back to you. To bring an end to this life and start a new chapter near you in paradise, with my Creator and that would IA be the happiest day of my life.
Ameen.
ShadsDiary 